How to Break the Cycle of Abuse

Did you know you can carry or continue the cycle of abuse in your life?

I know what it feels like to be stuck in a cycle of abuse. It destroys your soul. And if you are going through this experience, I see you and I know you because I was once you.

In this post, I am going to share how I broke this cycle of abuse in my life. Using my own experiences, I’ll show you the signs that made me conscious and aware of how I became a ‘cycle breaker’. And why I chose not to conform to my dysfunctional family system.

It is my hope that my story will help you see how each of us has the wisdom within us to make conscious choices for the greater good of our world. Please, read on to discover your magnificence!

The Cycle of Abuse: Where it All Begins

I was born in a dysfunctional family unit, stuck in a genetic pattern of abuse, passed down by my father. From the age of four, I watched him regularly beat my mother and then he came for me to instill his fears, to silence forever.

Throughout my childhood I blamed myself and believed that if I did whatever he told me, my actions would bring peace and harmony in my home. It never did.  For seventeen years I have seen the unimaginable rage and violence in our home. In my heart, I knew this was wrong and somehow, I knew I had to fight back.

It wasn’t just my father that abused us, my extended relatives continued the cycle of abuse by ridiculing my mother for a failed marriage. And me, well I was the spawn of a bad gene in the family, an embarrassment.

One way or another, children form habits by mimicking their parent’s behavior. For the children who see everything happening around them, a learnt behavior is formed and they carry it into adulthood unknowingly. It is a classic case of how people continuing the cycle of abuse into adulthood and it impacts their ability to grow.

My chapter ends, when my father kicked me out and laid a curse on me which became my core belief. I felt worthless and stupid which is why I avoided any form of confrontation believing I was not good enough.

Core Beliefs: What They Mean

Most people form belief systems in their childhood and hold it strongly into adulthood. Parents can also pass down core beliefs to their children. These beliefs influence the way we see our self worth, reflecting how we view other people, our future and the world. These underlying beliefs remain dormant beneath our inner thoughts. But, every now and then arise from events to help us interpret the world. What happens in our mind, becomes our shield to defend and keep safe from ongoing attacks in the external environment.

When we lived as a family unit, my mother taught me an important lesson, to think for myself. She consciously reminded me.

“If your actions caused a person to feel hurt or made them sad, think of what you did and why you did it. Then break the habit before it breaks you.”

Dulcie, My Mother

What I took away from her, was the realization that there is power in our intentions. It was the main reason for our actions or reactions. I remained silent during the difficult moments in my growing years. As a result, I observed individual behavior at home and at family gatherings. I became aware of a powerful core belief in my family and extended relatives that led their choices.

Status and wealth gives power to a hidden agenda. People want the attention of being seen as a huge success in the eyes of society. They remain blind to the truth about who they are and their place in the world.

Breaking the Chains that Hold You Back

For years I question my worth, my sense of belonging. I felt that people would not like me if they knew the truth, that I came from a broken home. This was the way my relatives treated me.

• If Alison can’t study higher, she can just become a sales girl.
• Don’t tell people you are divorced, or no one will want to marry Alison.
• Alison can’t get pregnant, she’s old, in mid 30s, children are born with down syndrome.

You get my point with this.

I knew how different I must have been to my relatives. Coming from a broken home is a stained embarrassment. It doesn’t end this way. No, it’s only the beginning of an incredible story. Let’s look deeper at how I lived my life.

What is a Cycle Breaker?

Breaking the cycle of abuse is one of the themes in my upcoming memoir Meant to Be. Throughout my teenage years, I felt a sense of hopelessness, suicidal thoughts constantly plagued me. I strongly believed I shouldn’t have been born into this world.

Have you heard of the term ‘cycle breaker’?

The All Gifts Podcast hosted by Pandora Villasenor clearly describes a cycle breaker as someone who sees a generational pattern of destruction within the family dynamics and intentionally chooses to break the cycle. Each of Pandora’s podcast episode inspires you to explore the hidden gifts within any painful experiences. Please do subscribe to The All Gifts Podcast using this link. Below is her video of the episode that explains What is a Cycle Breaker?

https://youtu.be/3BJthnJ89dY

Genetic Memory

All of us have some form of genetic memory, ancestral patterns passed down through generational family upbringing. They way your parents brought you up was how their parents raised them.

My role as a ‘cycle breaker’, was not one I chose. It was thrust upon me, the day my father kicked me out. My relationship with him was doomed from the beginning. It became estranged. As time passed, my relatives began to shun me.

As a child I became extremely intuitive with a deep sense of purpose. Guided by my inner knowing, I knew I needed to break out of the family system that raised me because they were no longer serving my growth. It took a lot of strength and courage for me to step out into the unknown and away from my family system as destiny had called me here.

Choose Life: Find Your Destiny

Did you know you can carry or continue the cycle of abuse by listening to your inner critique? Seeing the dysfunctional behavior happening around you and breaking away from it, will allow healing to begin.

In my memoir Meant to Be, I show you the signs that led me into the unknown to create the life I was meant to live.

Watch my book trailer video below.

Truth Seeker

As you begin to see the truth, you start using your innate talents-the ones you were born with and let them lead you onwards. By using your full potential, you ignite the gift of abundance. I call it tapping into a kind of magic. Know that everything you need is already within you. We are meant to do more with our life. All you have to do is believe in yourself.

As I opened my eyes and my heart, to see through the veil of unhealthy patterns, I held space for my father and relatives. I slowly understood why they acted the way they did. Forgiveness is a gift only you can give yourself.

The question is, are you ready to explore what’s holding you back?

Abuse .. Domestic Violence .. Poverty

You name it, I’ve experienced them all, the rejection, regrets and the disappointments. The experience, made me stronger because I came out the other side. I am proof that the strength of the human spirit is limitless. When you are open to explore beyond and into the unknown, growth begins and you find that person your were Meant to Be.