Have you ever experienced triangulation—people who divide you from family or friends to conquer your weakness. You know being excluded from certain conversations? By making you feel you’re worthless or that you did something wrong.
Whether the exclusion comes from a group of your friends or with relatives, it’s quite disturbing to experience this type of manipulation. Knowing that these people who have issues with you are indirectly communicating with others behind your back to isolate you.
They gang up on you silently to gain control over you. They strengthen and build relationships with others who know you, while making them go against you in a harmful sinister way. Like spreading gossip or rumors about you!
I’m not a therapist nor a psychologist but in this post I share what I’ve learned from my own experiences in dealing with the people I considered my close relatives who have betrayed me.
What is Triangulation?
The people who left me out of certain family conversations were actually having a go at me without direct confrontation. People who create this advantage for themselves, by causing conflict between two parties do this to protect their own ego. And I became their victims when they lured me into their mind games.
This form of malicious action is known as triangulation. Where the aim is dividing to conquer the weakest victim by rendering them powerless.
Why create such a hostile environment with so much drama?
To gain power over you. And humiliate you. I was cornered into a spot where conflict was created out of false pretence to make me think I’m worthless. And when I became anxious enough to defend myself from their attacks, I was proved to be wrong. Shifting the attention of what they’ve done wrong. Making me feel guilty into taking the blame. But I stayed clam which surprised the person in question.
The reason why many people use this form of manipulation is because it feeds their insecurity. Afraid for others to find out the truth about what they actually did. In a way you become the scape goat for them, focusing attention away from what they’ve done wrong.
While I can’t explain why people behave this way, I can provide some strategies to help you cope.
Coping With Triangulation
How do you deal with triangulation? The truth is you must know yourself first. In that way you’ll be confident enough to realize that you are in control. Because no one has permission to make you feel you’ve done wrong. Here are some things to consider.
- When they gang up on you, take a step back. Try to understand what is behind the drama verses the facts you already know.
- When you present yourself in a calm manner, you don’t need to raise your voice to anyone.
- You’ll never be able to control other people’s temperaments or responses. So, accept what they are showing you about themselves. But don’t let them walk all over you too.
- Learn to let go of unhealthy relationships. In my case, I’ve left my dysfunctional family systems.
When friends or relatives plays around with you, spread rumors or gossip about you to others, you know they can’t be trusted.
Rather than regret all that happened, look at the positive side of the event. At least you know who has your back and who can’t be trusted.
Have you ever experienced triangulation? Were you trapped in their web of deceit, or did you realize the direction they gave you is a wrong turn? While it frustrating to be in such a situation, I hope you found a resolution to the issues. Remember how they made you feel so you don’t fall into their trap again.
