The Abuser’s Toolkit Series:
Gaslighting
What if there’s a way you can break through the barrier of gaslighting to reclaim your life back from the bully or the abuser? It’s true. If you think your life is over because of the revenge, neglect or abuse you’ve experienced… you are wrong.
See most of us have heard the term gaslighting, used frequently in conversations almost everywhere. And we have an idea of what exactly it means in our head. But how do you know if you’re being gaslighted? Or even better how can you be free from this form of manipulation?
In this post I share my one simple action as a defense strategy to help you free yourself from this type of manipulation. So you don’t go insane in the process. If you are on the receiving end of gaslighting, you’ll want to learn how to use this strategy to your benefit.
I’m a survivor of trauma and abuse—witnessing violence in my home since childhood. One of the strategies my abuser used to gain control over me is gaslighting. I’m not a psychologist nor an expert in this type of toxic behavior. But what I share comes from my own experiences. And by sharing with you my strategies, I hope you will find a solution to help you move forward with your life.
But before using this strategy, you must understand how gaslighting manipulation works.
What is Gaslighting Manipulation?
Gaslight is a 1938 play turned to a 1944 film staring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman. In the movie, Boyer persuades his wife Bergman—to believe she’s imagining things that actually happened.
For example, he dims the house gaslight to give an illusion of it slowly fading out. She sees it flickering and confronts him, yet he tells her she’s imagining it. Going another step further, he hides jewelry items from her but tells her she’s lost them, making her upset and confused.
As he brilliantly says, and I quote …
“You know, you are inclined to lose things, Paula?”
Ultimately, he makes her believe she’s going insane and as a result doubts her reality.
This term gaslighting is commonly used to describe a specific type of psychological manipulation where the abuser distorts the victim’s vision of reality. A cruel way of using people to serve their own needs. They make their victim lose all senses and perception of the world around them until they end up thinking they’ve gone crazy.
This movie gaslight successfully shows you how the abuser uses this manipulation to trap their victim, making them helpless so they can control them.
I’ve experienced this form of manipulation for seventeen years of my life since early childhood. While only recently I’ve learned a few of these terms, during the times when I was being abused, I didn’t know anything about this type of manipulation. Neither did I know about the tools people use to bully or abuse people.
The Practice of Writing in Journals
I began journaling when I was eight years old. When conversations in my home disappeared or when I’m told events I remember never happened, I seek to find clarity. Slowly through writing and processing my thoughts, I noticed some patterns appearing.
One of the most important lesson you learn in journaling is knowing who you are. In a world full of uncertainties, learn to trust your instincts and understand what your intuition is showing you. The best place to learn all this is through processing your thoughts in journaling.
I make sure I write places, dates and time in every conversation I remembered. When you consistently write these events down, you set your reality straight. People can lie to you or say you’re wrong about a conversation or event, but your journal will show you the original truth.
When someone gaslights you, it’s intentional. They simple want to control you to their advantage. If they do it once or twice, they’re bullying you to create confusion to their benefit. But when you find yourself being gaslighted continuously for months or years, and you begin doubting yourself, it becomes abuse. For me I felt through the many years of abuse, I was losing my mind. Writing and processing your thoughts through journaling is the first step to reclaim your life.
Let’s Connect
Let’s talk about bullies or abusers! This is the first series of The Abuser’s Toolkit. Stay tuned for the second post in this series.
Go watch the 1944 movie Gaslight. I’m sure you’ll enjoy this classic.
Have you ever experience gaslighting? After reading this post, I hope you’ll find direction in your own life to let go and move forward!
