“Look out World .. here I come!”
Alison Laverty
Do you consider yourself a game of life player? You may not realize it but everyday, you put on your shield and participate in the game of life. Consider this thought, have you ever wondered how much of your involvement in the arena is accepted as what truly defines you? Maybe .. yes .. no ..
It is said that from birth to six years old, a child absorbs everything within their home environment. Parents take on a role as first teachers and our actions towards others is the building blocks as examples to our children’s natural development.
But we don’t realize this, instead we give our children the best we can believing it sets them off with a good start in life. Or perhaps we subscribe to this notion of always looking outside, in the external world, for approval instead of building on the strengths of our capabilities within.
We are all born with innate gifts and talents, everything you will ever need lies within you. Teach your children to live life in a sincere relentlessly unceasing way by accepting challenges, rejections and disappointment as signpost leading the way to discover their true nature. These are the learning blocks to survival.
The Game of Life Illusions
When I was young .. I grew up with these rules. We live in a status conscious world.
- Study hard .. get good grades
- Get a good well paid job
- Build a recognizable career
- Own a car or a house
Everyone dreams of owning an illusion in the material world. I hate to say this but these are illusions created to deter you from growing into a deeper level of consciousness in knowing who you are.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
In 1998, I studied Psychology and read the works of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. A motivational theory model, consisting of a five tier pyramid.
My understanding from his works is that the path to achieving self-actualization is realizing one’s full potential, our limitlessness and it begins with fulfilling a human need. There are no right or wrong answers but if we somehow learn to think for ourselves, we begin to be true to our-self. From the bottom up, lets look our basic needs.
Basic Needs
Physiological: These are our biological needs required for survival.
- Air to breathe
- Food and drink for nourishment and growth
- Shelter and warmth
Safety: This is an important one, feeling protected and safe. Free from fear.
When simple basic needs are not met, our physical survival is threatened. Let’s look at the next two psychological needs.
Psychological Needs
Love and Belongingness: Feeling a sense of belonging or having interpersonal relationship with family, friends and at work.
Esteem: This is an interesting one because Maslow break this into two categories.
- Self esteem – dignity, achievement, independence
- Reputation or Respect – status, prestige
And he specifically indicated that the need for respect or reputation is most important for children and adolescents. It comes before the real self esteem or dignity. In other words they want to be acknowledge .. to be seen.
What does this all mean? From my own life experiences, the first three needs are the foundation blocks built at home. Harmony in the home is crucial for stability and divorce or other life experiences can disrupt the developmental and growth process.
Self-Fulfillment Needs
Self-Actualization: Realizing ones full potential, seeking personal growth and the ability to be creative and innovative in all endeavors.
This is where you find the confidence to go after your dreams and make them come true.
Want versus Growth
With a lack of confidence or self-respect, the quality and state of feeling worthless will flow into a lack of self-esteem. External validation is needed so as to satisfy a want to feel accepted by a need for constant attention.
If this need for acceptance is not met in the early years, it flows into society. And we make those connections with children or adults in the form of bullies, aggressive behavior with narcissistic tendencies at school or at work.
Boys Compete
When my son started school, what I taught him at home about respect didn’t connect with other children. And trust me, it was not an easy experience for us all but a must for his growth and development.
It starts early in school at the play ground where the weak underdog has to cope with the athletic dominance. And the struggle is often pride. I’m bigger, I’m better, I’m stronger than you. But the truth is obvious, the lack of worthiness in society remains to be a huge part of the game. Think about it, who’s the loser? Is it the weak underdog who learns to be resilient? Or the strong successful achiever who keeps wanting more?
Girls Compare
When my daughter started school, it was different. You’ll see the groups gathering and gossiping to make unnecessary comments about each other. And I see the adults do it too. Why? To feel better about themselves. Girls struggle with insecurity. But where does this come from? Even the most confident girl somehow struggle to fit in. How do we move past all the drama going on in school or at work?
Parents, it is you who guide your children to understand the cause of their emotions. Gone are the days when journaling was encouraged from young. Instead it’s been replaced with an iPad or iPhone. The need to seek attention, to be acknowledged lies deeper, the state of feeling worthy is lost through the grapevine.
Home is Where the Heart Is
Parents, your children depend on you for guidance. Think about the bigger picture, all children carry within them internal senses, it flows through them. Emotional needs require much love and time to express them. Or would you rather deal with the behavior from unsatisfied needs? Instead,
teach them to follow their dreams. Guidance don’t come from school, they come from you as parents. And your children’s game of life begins at school when dealing with other children.
Teaching Values
There are weapons you can use to teach your children in their defense. I was brought up on the foundation built on core values.
- Faith – To accept and embrace my true feelings, emotions and the invisible hand of a higher power for the greater good.
- Respect – To acknowledge the presence of all around me: nature, family, children, friends and our community.
- Honesty – To ensure that my every gesture stems from my heart with sincere kindness and in truth.
- Responsibility – To accept all my choices and actions as my own especially my mistakes so I can make things right.
- Mindfulness – Be conscious in knowing my every intention or an act of kindness can make a difference. Change first starts with me.
I’ve made countless mistakes in my life and still strive to align myself with these values so I can be true to myself. These are values I pass onto my children, their weapons to engage in the game of life.
What about you, how do you teach your children to be kind and show respect to others? Because what you teach them is what they will become.
