In our home, a constant discussion about a friend or acquaintance, comes up often. How to know if a buddy or someone in school is a true friend? Many tears, lost friendships with children who are mean at school and the rise of bullies have haunted children everywhere. And I often have to guide my children, bring to their attention that these challenges presents us with opportunities to learn good communication skills. As well as the gift of awareness, showing us who we are.
This is the first of a two part post on personality traits where I share with you the importance of knowing how to spot toxic people. As well as how to tell the difference between a friend or acquaintance and why it is important to guard your energy.
Family, Friend or Acquaintance: Know the History Behind the Connection
All children, rely on parents, to guide and keep them in line, to learn life skills. So they can become responsible adults. Because in the external world, we come into contact with many people and learn that our intentions and opinions either connect or clash with others. Diversity opens us to individual preferences and when jealousy starts dribbling in, relationships can become toxic. It takes two hands to clap.
The challenge is, we see everyone as good and open that space to connect with good intentions—our family, friend or acquaintance. But how do you cope when relationships become strained? Usually our first reaction is guilt until the situation gets worse or awkward. And because of the relationship in our connection, we find ways to accommodate and create harmony instead of being true to our-self.
Toxic People — Guard Your Energy
Dealing with difficult toxic people is a huge challenge we all face and this trait begins in the early years of childhood. The way we raise our children and how we pass on both conscious and unconscious hopes, dreams, fears and even mental health concerns begins before we are conceived. The history lies in our genetic memory. Do you know your family history?
Here’s a list of toxic people who may have crossed your path. Recognize the signs so you can guard your energy.
- The Attention Seekers—Have you met someone who is self-absorbed and craves attention? When you speak, they interrupt you and turn the conversation back to them. In a way they show you their true colors so you will know to keep away.
- The Controller—These are people who want to control you until they own you. This highly insecure person leaves you no breathing space. They seize your freedom to gain power over you. If you ever choose to go against them, you become their enemy.
- The Stealers — Have you met people who literally drains or dampens your spirit with their sadness and negativity? I call them spiritual vampires because they drain every ounce of your vibrant energy. Without accepting any responsibility for their actions, they see everything as your fault and use words to bring you down.
- The Drama Queen — Have you ever met a person who has never-ending problems? And they throw energy dumps on you, to gain your sympathy and support. In a way, they want you to fix their problems. They complain non-stop and thrive in conflicts. Be sure you don’t become part of their drama.
- The Green-Eyed Monster — There are two in-depth levels to this person who has so much internal self-hate. These extremely toxic people will lash out at you with no warning signs. Leaving you lost in emotions with their behavior. Or they can be silent and as jealously seeps in further, they begin to criticize or gossip about how you wronged them. They fight for a one sided story, theirs.
- The Liar—One of the most exhausting activity in my life was to lie about my father until I realize I was lying to protect myself. Dishonesty is draining because you only hurt one person, yourself.
- The Crushers—Regardless of how you are feeling, crushers stomp on your hopes and dreams. Their only concern is themselves. It is not easy to be friends with these people. They live with the idea that they are the smartest person around so you must agree with them. Or you will pay the price. Keep away from people who only have their own interest at heart.
In my own experiences, I’ve seen how boys compete and girls compare. Why? Because they feel insecured. In the game of life each player steps up to a role. Both adult and children play hard, to gain power over another. And the essence of our human nature is lost among the crowd.
Be true to yourself, in the end all the challenges you face, makes you stronger and focused. Finding a true friend takes time, sometimes even a lifetime. And I’ve lost many toxic friendships that have taught me lessons about who I wanna be. A friend that is truthful to you often will take the time to listen without judgement, empathize and understand your situation because they’ve experience it too. More importantly, they communicate openly.
How to Deal with Toxic People
It is easy to spot a toxic person. Listen closely to the signs within, your intuition will guide you. Are there people you dread seeing? People who step on you and don’t respect you? People who make you feel like you’re invisible. Let go of your guilt, especially when your close family, relatives and friends give you those toxic blows. Save yourself, break all ties with them. Create boundaries to protect yourself from their harsh remarks. And if the situation becomes violent, seek help and break all tie and stay away from them.
You deserve to be happy and have an abundance of joy. Guard your energy from these toxic people before you lose yourself in their world.
In the next post I share my own experiences with a person who has a narcissistic personality and try to understand what can cause a child to grow into a toxic person.
All the very best! Alison
